#3 Monday Musings - Feeling Stuck
This week’s Monday Musing comes with a disclaimer. I want to take a moment to acknowledge the privileged position I am in that is shared through this post, particularly in a time that is so difficult for so many. I share it in hopes that something may resonate with you that may be helpful. The article continues on shelbytaylorduncan.com.
Last week I was scrolling LinkedIn and noticed that a dear friend and former classmate T. Jason Ortiz had commented on Elliot Greenberger’s post (thank you for your post, Elliot!).
More of Elliot’s content popped up on my feed and the first sentences of his post caught my eye, “Career cul-de-sacs can be comfortable. But that’s exactly why they’re dangerous.”
I felt like I had been struck by lightning.
I have been feeling particularly stuck (for the last two years) and was so curious why I have struggled to be decisive, set a goal, and achieve it. This is not something I struggled with in the past. I have been rattling my brain for years wondering if the shift is a function of the pandemic, getting older, self-realization, the list goes on.
Seeing Elliot’s post, I realized, I am likely feeling so stuck because for the first time in my life, I have reached a place of comfort. I know what to expect from my job. It allows me to have a life better than I thought I could live. I have a safety net. It provides me with good healthcare. It allows me to be a resource for my community and loved ones. I can work from home. I don’t have to wear a suit (or makeup, or do my hair). I know what people are going to say and do before they say and do it. It is automatic.
I know I need to leave the cul-de-sac, hop off the hamster wheel, and commit to acting in greater alignment with my principles.
After seeing Elliot’s article I realized that I had reached a place of safety and comfort that had not been accessible to me before. All of the decisions I made, beginning in elementary school, were in service of becoming and remaining financially independent. It was ruthlessly drilled into me that I was responsible for me, and there was no help for me if I needed it (unless I ascribed to very strict, specific and contingent set of rules).
Beginning in elementary school, I stacked my extracurriculars and would only tolerate straight A’s. The pattern continued through junior high and high school. I was aiming at a scholarship for a college in the Bay Area - anything to get me out of my conservative home town and abusive home environment. I landed at Mills - ultimately working three jobs and graduating a year early to save money. I took on my first corporate job at 21, working as a Project Manager in Financial Services. I didn’t make enough money to pay for gas to get to and from work when the company changed my office location (I am forever grateful for my carpool buddy). The first year was spent coming home from work, eating something microwaveable, collapsing into bed by 7 and sleeping for 11 hours before repeating the cycle. I was miserable - but I could “do it all myself.” This pattern continued - I chased promotions, my MBA, and found myself in New York City - the Mecca of hustlers. And boy, did I hustle. I had my eyes set on Partner at my consulting firm and I was working my way up the ladder at herculean speed, I was a cohort lead at Stern, I was secretly training for the NYC marathon (COVID took that off the table), and I was hosting dinner parties and cooking food I could not pronounce.
Then, the pandemic happened. For the first time, I was forced to slow down and take stock. Since 2020, I have been unable to ramp up to the same frantic and frenetic patterns since. Part of me is deeply grateful and part of me is resentful. What if I need to dig deep, “do it all” - I have learned the hard way this year that is no longer an option for me - my body and mind will simply shut down.
So now, I am faced with getting unstuck. I spent 29 years working towards a goal, enjoying the fruits of that labor for three years, and now I find myself in a position where it is quite clear I will need to walk away from that comfort in service of pursuing bigger, broader, and more creative ideas and ways of living which are more aligned with my principles.
Elliot’s post helped me to realize that the challenge I face is not a logical one - I know how to think my way through any problem. Instead, the issue I am facing is an emotional one.
To help me navigate my feelings around fear of financial scarcity and losing the comfort I have built for myself (along with the guilt and shame for having wasted so much time and energy on something I will likely toss into the wind), I have a four step approach I am using:
Get in touch with my intuition every day - I have spoken about Sonia Choquette’s work before and am currently reading Tune In. Sonia has three recommendations for getting in touch with your intuition
Breathing Exercise: Inhale through your nose with your tongue on the roof of your mouth. Exhale loundly through your nose with your mouth closed.
Set an Alarm: Twice a day, pause to take stock of what is happening in the moment around you - use the senses available to you and be in the present.
State your Intentions: Each day, out loud, state what you intend to do.
Take one action towards the life I want to be living each day - A friend recently showed me a technique they called “Radiance Mapping” - I like this exercise because I feel I get the benefit of Morning Pages but the exercise feels more creative and faster. Each day, as a part of Radiance Mapping, I have to pick an action that is in service of one of my stated goals. This has been a huge help in breaking down big goals into actionable steps.
Tap into community - Radiance Mapping also calls on you to get in touch with your community each day. I am grateful for this daily reminder as I know that releasing my fears around scarcity is something I cannot do alone. This is my Bowser’s Castle and I need my loved ones to surround me and encourage me. I am not afraid to admit I need help, and I am asking for it!
Speaking what I want into existence - I do best when I have made myself publicly accountable to doing something (hi, Monday Musings). This technique is helping me to clarify direction, connect with others, and do a little manifesting, too.
I may not be unstuck yet, but I know I am on the way. I am also confident that the work I am doing now will serve me and those I love for years to come.
Where do you find yourself getting stuck? Which, if any of these methods, do you think may be of service to you?
